


What Am I To You?

by Coup Detat (MysteriousHarmony)



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Date Rape, Dubious Consent, Haircuts, I Just Really Suck At Writing It In, I swear it is, M/M, Scars, The Lube Is There
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:47:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousHarmony/pseuds/Coup%20Detat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something has been nagging at Ryuichi Asami's mind since he left Hong Kong seven years earlier and when he returns to put a stop to the irritating nagging he instead finds himself pulling a drugged Feilong from the bar and back to his hotel room like he had years earlier. But what exactly is the complicated relationship they share? They may never know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Asami let out a sigh as he exited the car, standing in front of a familiar bar - in Hong Kong. 

Out of all the places he could have gone during his week off he chose this place. There was something about it that drew him in; something that had been nagging at his mind until he had finally returned. 

He had believed that the annoying nagging would go away when he had returned to Tokyo after saving his lover from the clutches of the young dragon known as Liu Feilong, however after that the irritating sensation grew stronger and now here he was, in Hong Kong, the place he knew that he really shouldn’t have been. 

He entered the bar and a nostalgic feeling washed over him as he recalled carrying a young and unconscious Feilong from this same bar what felt like forever ago - but had really only been seven years earlier. 

As he glanced around the bar he quickly noticed that same beautiful Chinese man sitting at a table, conversing quietly with his four male companions.

The lovely man looked the same as always. His long ebony hair cascaded over small shoulders and Asami caught a glimpse of the soft skin of his neck as the man scanned his surroundings, amethyst eyes catching on the Japanese man who stood near the entrance. 

Rage flooded those familiar eyes as he watched the Yakuza take a seat at the bar. After a lingering moment Feilong turned back to the men he was sitting with, making no attempt to hide his anger. 

The corners of Asami’s mouth curved up in a devilish smirk as the bartender put a drink down in front of him. 

He sipped the rum and coke, watching the enraged Chinese man from the corner of his eye as he drank. 

Feilong soon stood and glanced at Asami, cocking his head slightly as he headed in the direction of the restroom. 

The Japanese man soon found himself following Feilong as if he were entranced by the cloyingly addictive man – though that was true enough. He was mesmerized by the young Chinese beauty. There was no part of Feilong that was undesirable. No flaw that could easily deter people, because the man was virtually perfect. 

Had there been one perfect thing placed upon this earth by god, Asami was inclined to believe that one perfect thing was Feilong. 

He entered the restroom, closing the door behind him as he approached Feilong who stood before the mirrors, watching his own reflection and the reflection of the Japanese man as he approached. 

“What are you doing here?” Feilong inquired in a voice that told Asami that he was most certainly not welcome within Hong Kong. 

“I don’t believe that my reasons for coming here are any of you’re concern,” he retorted – still smirking. 

Feilong turned to the man, the rage apparent in his lovely amethyst eyes. 

“I believe that they are! Hong Kong is my territory!” the man growled.

“Last time I checked, Feilong, you don’t possess a deed that says that you own Hong Kong so until that time I am free to enter Hong Kong whenever I see fit,” the larger man replied calmly. 

“I don’t care. I want you out of Hong Kong by morning,” he snapped 

“And if I refuse?” Asami asked in the same unfazed voice that he always used when dealing with Feilong’s stubbornness. 

“If you refuse my men will track you down and eliminate you,” Feilong countered, the irritation in his voice growing. 

“I’d like to see them try,” he replied arrogantly – leaving Feilong no room to reply before he began to head for the door. 

Asami walked from the restroom and the younger man followed. The Japanese man returned to his seat at the bar and watched Feilong from a far as he took a seat and resumed his conversation with the four other Chinese men, the five of them speaking in hushed, Cantonese, whispers to each other. 

When the Yakuza finished his drink he swirled the ice cubes around the bottom of his cup before setting it down on the bar, watching Feilong intently as the bartender made him another drink. 

Feilong began to talk with the man to his left, seemingly deep in thought while the other three spoke to each other. Asami noticed the looks on their faces as their eyes scanned the young Chinese Triad leader, and he did not like those looks they were giving him at all. 

Perhaps it was the side of him that had once loved the young boy that made him feel over protective of Feilong, especially when he was sitting with a group of men who obviously intended to take advantage of him. 

He was broken from his thoughts when something caught his eye and he saw the man on Feilong’s right move his hand away from the young male’s drink. 

The bartender placed Asami’s drink down in front of him and the man let out a small sigh as he returned to his drink, staring down into the contents of the glass. 

The presence of Feilong in the bar unsettled him even more than the nagging feeling that had been on the very edge of his thoughts since the day he left Hong Kong seven years earlier, however what unsettled him the most right now was regarding the men Feilong was with. 

Something just didn’t seem right to him. It was more than that, his instincts were screaming at him that something was terribly wrong. By now Asami was used to seeing people give Feilong those looks of longing, looks that spoke of desire to violate everything that the young dragon was. 

He was well acquainted with such looks as he had also given Feilong such looks on occasion. However the looks those men were giving him were something different. 

The looks in their eyes spoke of the desire to completely destroy Feilong. The glances they were shooting the boy spoke of the desire to rip the young dragon apart for their own pleasure, and it unsettled the Yakuza. 

It was most likely just the idea of someone other than himself laying their hands on Feilong, or at least he hoped it was only that. 

It wasn’t until Asami noticed the way Feilong wavered in his seat that he took action against the men. 

“Liu Laoban, are you alright?” one of the men asked as he noticed the slightly drunken expression of the young man. 

“It looks like he drank too much, maybe we should take him home,” one of them stated loud enough so that the bartender could hear him. 

Asami approached and the four men flinched slightly as the Japanese man towered over them. 

“I will be taking him with me,” he stated and one of them narrowed his eyes at Asami. 

“And why should we allow you to take him with you? You could be a murderer for all we know,” the man snapped. 

“Yes, but I know for a fact that should I let you three leave here with Feilong he would likely be dead in a ditch by tomorrow morning,” the man retorted as he pulled the Baishe leader to his feet. 

“A-Asami let go,” Feilong stuttered as the man pulled him by the arm towards the door. 

Yet again he found himself saving Feilong, yet again he found himself pulling the drunken boy from that bar, once again he found himself driving to his hotel, once again he found himself carrying that boy to his suite and once again he found himself laying that boy down on his bed. 

Feilong’s eyes briefly flickered open as he was laid on the bed. He sat up and grabbed his head, eyes drooping in obvious exhaustion. 

“Feilong how many drinks did you have?” the larger man asked. 

“I o-only finished one,” he replied and Asami blinked in surprise. His mind flashed back to seeing the man’s hand hovering over Feilong’s drink. He had drugged Feilong in the hopes of raping him while he was unconscious.

Feilong watched Asami with an unfocused gaze, everything blurring together until he finally closed his eyes again.

Asami gently ran his fingers through the younger male’s silky black hair, smiling ever so slightly at the forgotten feel of that soft hair against his fingers. 

He leaned forward and pressed his lip’s to Feilong’s, the Chinese man’s lashes fluttering, gently brushing against his high cheek bones. The Japanese man wrapped his arms around the slender body of the Baishe leader and pulled him closer, sliding his tongue into Feilong’s mouth earning a small moan from the man. 

Just seeing that beautiful skin made him want to touch it, it made Asami want to feel that delicate skin against his. He pulled off Feilong’s jacket and discarded it on the ground followed by the remainder of the man’s clothing until Feilong was laying on the bed beneath the Yakuza, completely naked. 

He ran his fingers up Feilong’s side earning a shudder and a slight moan from the younger male. 

“A-Asami stop, we shouldn’t-” Feilong was cut off when Asami kissed him, sliding his tongue back into the twenty seven year olds mouth as his hands wandered the delicate skin of the man’s naked body. 

His hands continued to wander until they reached Feilong’s soft thighs. He pulled his lips from the younger male’s once again then spread Feilong’s legs, the drugged boy not even attempting to resist the larger male. 

Asami discarded his jacket and gun holster beside the bed before leaning forward and licking at the scar on the smaller man’s chest. 

The man opened the small tube of lube that he had pulled from his discarded jacket – pouring it over two of his fingers before discarding it elsewhere on the bed. 

Feilong looked at him, seemingly about to protest before Asami kissed him deeply, slowly sliding a finger deep into the Chinese man – earning a soft shudder. 

Asami watched his reactions intently as he moved to gently suck at one of Feilong’s delicate pink nipple. 

This was rewarded with a moan from the man who was staring off into space, blushing profusely from both the drugs and the fact that he was laying naked under Asami as he allowed his enemy to pleasure him. 

The elder of the two men soon slid another finger into the smaller male and began to stretch him, very quickly noticing how tight Feilong was. 

This thought only lingered for moments before Asami shoved a third finger into the younger man’s tight hole. Feilong moaned softly and trembled, tears forming in amethyst eyes as all the thoughts in his mind began to blur together into a jumble of sadness and confusion. 

However, Feilong’s mind wasn’t the only thing that was blurring together, Asami’s mind was starting to do the same despite the obvious lack of drugs in his system. 

Their relationship was blurring together into a giant heap of conflicting emotions, happiness, sadness, hatred, love, anger, joy. 

What was their relationship? Were they enemies? 

No, they were far too familiar with one another to be enemies, they cared far too much about each other to be enemies. 

Were they lovers?

No, they fought too often and disagreed over far too many things for them to be lovers. Had they been lovers Asami wouldn’t have left that night seven years earlier. 

Were they friends?

No, their relationship was far too complicated for them to be something as simplistic as friends. The feelings that they held for each other forbade such a thing. 

If they weren’t any of those then what were they? 

Nothing. There was everything, yet nothing between them. So much had happened between them yet at the same time so little had happened. Between them there was nothing more than this odd jumble of memories and emotions, a huge mess that neither of them wished to sort out no matter how intrusive that giant heap was on their lives. 

Asami pulled his fingers from the small body beneath him before pulling down his own pants and sheathing himself completely in that tight ass in one thrust, Feilong crying out in both pain and pleasure, his mind going completely blank as his chest heaved, small body trembling beneath the Japanese man. 

Somewhere inside both of their hearts they knew this wouldn’t solve anything, they knew that this would only add to that slowly accumulating mess that stood between them, the mess that prevented them both from fully moving on. 

It would only add more heart wrenching memories to that jumble, more overwhelming feelings that they were supposed to have left behind here, in Hong Kong, seven years earlier. 

It would nag more and more at Asami’s mind, it would cause Feilong more and more horrid nightmares, this would not help in the least. Yet for some reason they still found themselves doing it, they found themselves yearning for this, for each other. They found themselves clinging to each other, gasping for air, desperate for contact, desperate to feel needed by the other. 

Why was their relationship like this? Why was their relationship this odd jumble that was somewhere between enemies, lovers and friends? And why was it that they couldn’t seem to tear their minds off the other for a single moment?

Every thought, every word, every feeling, everything led Asami back to Feilong. 

Every scent, every sight, every moment, everything led Feilong back to Asami. 

The feeling of Asami’s lips on his made Feilong’s face burn with both embarrassment and an odd feeling of happiness. 

He felt at ease and he allowed his eyes to droop shut as Asami pulled him close. For the first time since Asami’s sudden departure from Hong Kong, seven years earlier, Feilong slept soundly. No nightmares, no tossing and turning, he just slept, breathing in the familiar scent of Asami’s after shave as he dozed off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asami and Feilong wake up the next morning, memories of the previous night vague, memories of a past together far clearer and far more painful for them both.
> 
> I apologize cause this turned out way more sad than I expected it to, but I liked the sad version better than the sex filled one.

Asami’s eyes opened slowly and he brought in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Feilong’s shampoo, it took him mere seconds after that moment for all of the memories from the night before to come rushing back. 

Asami had finished one drink, with that little alcohol it was, without a doubt, an impossibility that he was intoxicated and yet everything that had happened the previous night seemed to be wrapped in an odd haze. 

Everything from the moment he stepped into the bar to the moment he fell asleep with that lovely Chinese man in his arms. 

He looked down at Feilong who still lay fast asleep against his chest and a gentle sigh escaped his lips as he ran a hand through the man’s silky hair. 

Feilong shifted against him and Asami let his head fall back onto the pillow. Just feeling that soft skin rubbing against his made him desire a repeat of the previous night. 

He carefully moved Feilong and rested the sleeping beauty down on the bed before getting up and scooping his briefs off the floor, heading to the bathroom. 

He showered quickly and when he emerged from the steamy room in his briefs with a towel wrapped around his neck he felt refreshed and no longer felt like jumping the lovely, peacefully sleeping, Chinese man. 

After putting his pants on he pulled a cigarette from the half empty pack that sat on Feilong’s bedside table and lit it, taking a long drag on it and releasing a content sigh when he felt the smoke filling his lungs. 

He watched Feilong as he finished his cigarette and mere moments after he stamped it out in the ash tray the twenty seven year old’s long lashes began to flutter and Feilong’s amethyst eyes opened 

The baishe leader sat up slowly, squinting and rubbing his eyes. It took about a minute for Feilong to have remembered what had happened the night before, and Asami knew it because around a minute after Feilong sat up he suddenly looked down at his naked body with shock in his eyes. 

The Chinese man pulled the blankets tight to his chest and looked around, eyes catching on the Japanese man who was resting against the window sill. 

“Asami… What the hell-” “We had sex,” he cut him off. 

Feilong’s face went a deep shade of red as he looked to the side, memories of the previous night rushing back. He was there, and Asami was there, and Asami looked so handsome, and all Feilong remembered wanting was those rough hands on him. 

The lovely man was still blushing as he stood, wrapping himself in one of the bed’s sheets before walking to Asami, the man meeting Feilong’s eyes from beneath his messy hair before circling an arm around the smaller man’s hips and pulling him down into his lap. 

The slender man couldn’t bring himself to look away from Asami, there was just something in those golden eyes that made him unable to rip his gaze away. 

When Asami gently ran a hand up Feilong’s side the younger man trembled, eyes fluttering shut as the larger man pulled the sheet down to reveal the others mark-covered chest. 

The Japanese man leaned forward, kissing and licking at all the marks he had covered the younger man in the night before, once again halting at the scar on Feilong’s chest. 

His mind was clear now, it wasn’t fogged with lust as it had been the night before, and in his mind now all he saw when he looked at that scar was that evening seven years earlier. 

He saw Feilong with that gun, hair cascading over small shoulders, a slender frame covered in red and white silk. 

He saw Feilong with blood gushing from his chest, Feilong hitting the ground with a deafening thud. 

He saw Feilong pointing his gun at Asami, he saw the hurt, the pain, the fear, the need, the betrayal, the sorrow, he saw the question that lingered in those amethyst eyes – ‘stay with me?’ 

He gently kissed the scar before burying his face into Feilong’s neck, breathing in that long forgotten smell he had dreamt about for years after leaving Hong Kong. 

The man didn’t move until he felt the wetness on his forehead. 

Looking up at the Chinese man he saw tears rolling down pale skin as Feilong bit his lip to suppress the noises that came with those tears. 

He softly stroked Feilong’s cheek, pulling him closer, the younger man clinging to Asami as if he was the only thing he had left in this world.

Asami held the boy close, rubbing his back and trailing soft kisses all along his shoulder and neck. 

“Asami…” a sob escaped the man’s throat the moment he opened his mouth and the Japanese man only held him closer. 

“Just call me by my first name Feilong.”

“Ryuichi…?” 

“Yes Feilong?”

“Please…” a gentle sob “Please just stay with me for a little longer, just hold me like this for a little longer please…” he begged between muffled cries. 

The Japanese man obliged without a second thought, and gently made Feilong look at him, pulling him into a delicate kiss that seemed to last an eternity. 

In that moment there was nothing wrong between them. There were no dark memories looming over them, no betrayals, no scars. 

In that moment Feilong wasn’t the leader of the baishe, Ryuichi wasn’t a yakuza, they were just them. 

In that moment Ryuichi was not the man who had abandoned Feilong in Hong Kong seven years earlier, Feilong was not a hardened man who had dedicated so much to revenge. 

That single moment was soft, delicate, fragile; so fragile that they both felt like the moment would disappear should they say anything, that it would break apart if they dared to move, to speak. 

Finally the kiss ended and the Japanese man gently cupped Feilong’s face, his other arm wrapped around the younger man’s hips as he looked into those tear filled amethyst orbs. 

The younger man let his small hands rest against muscle bound shoulders as the tears continued to slowly drip down bare skin. 

“I love you,” he uttered so quietly that the other man only just barely heard it. 

“I know Feilong,” he said softly as he pulled the boy down for another delicate kiss, both of them wishing that they would never have to part from one another. 

But soon enough Asami was gone, Feilong once again wrapped in red and white silk as he watched the love of his life leave once more, the baishe leader’s mind still lost in the euphoric haze of the time they had spent together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone. 
> 
> Just so you do know, I am working on another part to this story that is gonna be about 5 years after this. You'll see what happens.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of their relationship not working Akihito finally walks out on Asami. When the Japanese man heads out for drinks in the hopes of putting himself in a better mood he unexpectedly runs into Fei-Long. Will the out come be any different than it was 5 years earlier?? Or will it end the same as always?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, IT IS HERE. First off, I wanna apologize ahead of time for the mushiness of this chapter. THE AGGRESSION IS COMING NEXT CHAPTER, SO DON'T CONDEMN ME YET!
> 
> Next thing is, I am sorry this is so late. My computer was out of order for like 2 weeks and it only got fixed at the end of last week so that is why it took so long for this chapter TT.TT

The door to the apartment slammed shut and Asami cursed under his breath, the soft curses soon turning into shouts as he threw his glass of rum and coke at the sealed door - watching it shatter to pieces.

Five years. Five years he had been with Akihito and the brat had the fucking nerve to just say he was done and walk out on him.

Rage was coursing through the Japanese man as he threw himself down on the couch, running his hands through messy hair.

He wanted to go after the boy, to yell at him, to drag him back and dare him to try and leave again... But he wouldn't.

He had been through this enough times to know that doing such a thing would only make the situation worse, not better.

If Akihito was going to come back it would be of his own free will, and because he wanted to. 

A quick glance at the clock and the man decided that going out for a drink might make his night a little better. After discarding his tie and undoing the top few buttons of his shirt he slid his coat on and headed out of the apartment - leather shoes clacking softly on the tile floor.

Half an hour later Asami was seated at a bar on the outskirts of Tokyo. It was quiet, only a few people other than himself inhabiting the small bar - the main customers being couples looking for a quiet place to make out.

The man couldn't help but glance at those people until a drink was placed in front of him, the man more than happy to take a swig of it.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen it coming. It had been coming for a while.

Things between him and Akihito hadn't been working for nearly a year, and every time they squabbled the distance between them only grew wider - the two of them practically avoiding each other constantly by the time this day had arrived.

They just weren't enough alike for it to last. The sex was good, and they had good times together - good memories. Sex and good memories however, were not enough to keep a relationship alive. They needed similarities, things they had in common - they needed understanding and above all else they needed ways to relate to one another.

They had never had any of those things. Akihito was a brat from a middle class family, he loved snacks and horror films and getting plastered with his buddies on a Friday night, and above all else he loved photography. He had a strong sense of morality and an even stronger sense of justice.

Morality and justice... were two things that conflicted very majorly with dating someone like Asami.

Despite popular belief Asami did have his own hobbies, he just didn't get a lot of spare time to indulge in such hobbies. Even so he was completely different from Akihito even when it came to hobbies.

Asami was from an upper class family of important political figures, he wasn't particularly fond of snack food in any capacity - nor was he particularly fussed on the horror genre in general. The man always enjoyed a good game or two of poker, the same way he always enjoyed a good drink or two, or a good round of sex or two. He was a simplistic man, completely unalike to Akihito who had about twenty seven different things rushing through his head at any given moment.

The man sighed softly, shaking his head as if to dislodge the irritating thoughts - staring into his glass and twirling it so that he could watch the ice cubes spin around each other.

Deeply contemplating the whole thing was just a waste of his time, the simple facts were that it wasn't working - no amount of deep contemplation was going to change that.

It wasn't long until he heard someone approaching the bar, and when Asami looked over he saw the last person that he had expected to see in such a rundown place.

Standing before him was Fei-Long, the younger Chinese man looking completely different than the last time Asami had seen him. The man's ebony hair was now cut short, undercut all the way around with hair gently falling over the undercut as well as delicately tucked behind Fei-Long's ear. The right side was longer as it had been when the man's hair was still long, the hair on the right side of Fei-Long's face softly resting all the way to his jaw, hanging slightly over his eye as well.

"Asami...?" the man asked uncertainly despite the fact that the Japanese man had barely changed at all in looks over the twelve years they had known each other.

"What the hell are you doing here Fei-Long...? And what the hell did you do to your hair?" the older man let out a disgruntled huff as he downed the rest of his drink in one gulp.

"I just came for a drink," Fei-Long sat down beside Asami "and I cut my hair, do you have a problem with that?"

The Japanese man only grumbled in response as he grabbed his wallet from his coat pocket, pulling a $100 American bill from it as he gestured the bartender over.

When the bartender was in front of him Asami put the bill on the counter so the boy could see it.

"Every time my drink is empty I better have another one in front of me. If you do that well, this is your tip when I leave," he explained as he placed the bill half under his phone on the counter, the bartender working on the next drink in mere moments "and get him a Bourbon too."

Fei-Long's brows furrowed a little as he rested an elbow on the counter, head resting on his hand.

Asami took the silence as an opportunity to actually closely look at Fei-Long.

The Baishe leader was wearing an outfit Asami would've never expected to see him in; Fei-Long dressed in a pair of ripped Guess skinny jeans, a pair of black Timberlands , and a black T-Shirt with a blue unbuttoned cardigan over top.

"What about the outfit, any explanation for that one?" he teased earning an eye roll.

"It's a thing known as modern fashion. The better you comply with it the better you blend into a crowd, and again what is the problem with my hair??"

Fei-Long seemed a little frustrated at Asami's attitude but the older man honestly couldn't bring himself to care about whatever discontentment the smaller man was feeling.

As the bartender was setting the drinks down in front of them Asami reached towards Fei-Long, gently grabbing a strand of ebony hair and twirling it between his fingers.

He wasn't sure if it was the earlier rejection or the alcohol, but he felt arrogant tonight - well, more arrogant than usual. He knew Fei-Long wouldn't turn his advances down, and he was counting on that for every move he made regarding the Chinese beauty.

They were both quiet for a moment in time, that moment stretching into what felt like an eternity before Asami finally spoke.

"Akihito left me," he said quietly as he continued to play with that silky strand of ebony hair.

"So that's why you're here," Fei-Long rationalized out loud, a gentle blush dusting pale cheeks.

Asami released Fei-Long's hair before grabbing his drink and taking a small gulp of it.

"Yeah, to drink my sorrows away like I did when I still thought about having lost that pretty little dragon of mine."

Asami's voice was deep and heavy, leaving so many implications swirling in Fei-Long's head as he sipped the drink the older man had bought for him.

"And now that I am here you will probably make me drag your drunk ass home at the end of the night, huh?"

The yakuza chuckled roughly.

"Don't be like that Fei-Long, if you will recall I have already dragged your drunk body out of two bars thus far - and we have only known each other for twelve years."

"Hey, I wasn't drunk the second time and you know that!" Fei-Long objected, only making the man laugh more.

"Well I should hope not, because if you hallucinate when you are drunk like you did when I was dragging you to my hotel - then I should not be buying you drinks."

The younger man rolled his eyes and shook his head lightly before taking another sip of his drink.

Him and Fei-Long weren't like him and Akihito. They had things in common, a common background, similarities, mutual hobbies.

Much like him Fei-Long couldn't help but love a few rounds of drinks, a few rounds of poker and a few rounds of sex. Maybe it was a mafia thing?

Again a small silence passed between them until Asami finally got back to their original subject of Fei-Long's hair.

"Why did you cut it?" he asked, Fei-Long blinking in surprise before he remembered the topic of his hair.

"I wanted a change... And having it long reminded me of..." he trailed off.

"It reminded you of me," Asami concluded as he shrugged his suit jacket off and rolled up his sleeves to reveal the silver rolex that adorned his wrist.

This was where things always got sticky with Fei-Long. Asami would admit it, in the past he wouldn't have, but he was old enough now to see the mistakes he had made in his younger years. Asami would admit that he had wronged Fei-Long many times. He had left the boy as an orphan, left that boy with a scar to remind him of the pain of having no one, left that boy with seven years of prison time - he had left that lovely boy with a broken heart. 

He had tried to move on, forget about it all, and just pretend like it had never happened - despite the fact that there were still a million things that had gone unresolved between himself and the Chinese man.

He had tried to completely erase the fact that he had fallen for the lovely boy so mindlessly all those years ago.

Despite that, he knew that how he felt about Fei-Long was not something that had gone away by any means. His fling with the younger man five years earlier proved that.

As the yakuza watched Fei-Long he couldn't help but realize for what felt like the first time, that the boy from his memories was no longer a boy. Fei-Long was no longer that lost, confused, scared boy that had sought solace from the unjust inner workings of his own family - within the arms of his enemy. Fei-Long was no longer that boy who lacked the confidence and the determination to do things his own way - it was the opposite now, Fei-Long went out of his way to do things how he wanted.

Everything about Fei-Long had changed between the boy from his memories and the lovely man who sat in front of him - yet it only made Asami desire him more. 

Asami finished another drink and moments later there was a new drink in front of him.

"So why are you here in Japan Fei-Long??"

The Chinese man seemed deep in thought for a moment.

"Mainly to talk with a few Yakuza about establishing trade routes and such," he responded vaguely as he finished his first drink.

"No intentions of talking to me about that sort of thing, huh?"

"That's correct," the smaller man stated with a smile that made Asami's brow twitch lightly, "things have been tense between us for a long time Asami, it feels like it would just be more trouble than it's worth."

"I suppose that is true."

Just looking at the beautiful man Asami couldn't help but recall that last meeting of theirs - he couldn't help but feel guilty about it either.

He still remembered the feeling of silky skin against his, the feeling of ebony locks between his fingers as he had pleasured Fei-Long in all the right ways. It hadn't felt like he had to force that affection between them - it had just felt normal. As if them loving each other was normal - not that Asami would admit that feeling to Fei-Long or anyone else. 

The man had regretted leaving so soon mere minutes after he had left. All he remembered after he left was the memories of that beauty running through his brain. Fei-Long digging his nails into Asami's back as the larger man had pleasured him, Fei-Long sleeping peacefully against the older man's side, Fei-Long in his lap, wrapped tightly in a bed sheet, clinging onto Asami as he begged him to stay - to hold him, to make him feel loved.

Fei-Long standing there in the window - clad in red and white silk the same way he had been the first time Asami had left him there in Hong Kong - a delicate hand pressed against cold glass as he had watched the Japanese man leave again.

Asami sighed softly as he ran a hand through disheveled brown hair.

As the Japanese man set his third finished drink on the counter with a thud he looked back at the younger man.

"Why must you be so pretty Fei-Long?" he asked with a gentle smirk as he leaned in closer to the Chinese man, earning a familiar blushing face.

As the older man placed a fragile kiss on plush lips he couldn't help but feel remorse. He couldn't help but remember Fei-Long with those small hands on his shoulders, with those plump tears rolling down his cheeks, those chapped lips releasing a delicate 'I love you' that left them both in pain when they had soon parted from one another.

Why hadn't he said it back? Why was he so terrified of saying how he truly felt? Why had he left Fei-Long to believe that Asami didn't, and would never, love him? 

Hours later they were back at Fei-Long's hotel that sat mere minutes from the bar. They were just barely in the door when Asami grabbed the Chinese man, slamming their lips together as they moved back through the room towards the bedroom - discarding articles of clothing as they went.

By the time they got to the door of the bedroom Asami had gotten impatient, and he grabbed Fei-Long around the thighs, lifting him up and flinging the door to the room shut behind them before dumping the smaller man on the bed.

There was only seconds between the moment Fei-Long landed on the bed, and the moment that Asami was there, between his legs - lips locked back into a fervent kiss.

When they finally parted from one another Fei-Long was gasping lightly, a deep red blush settling across the lovely man's face as he reached up to rest his hands on the large man's shoulders.

Asami, who only had his pants and his shirt left in terms of clothing, seemed dissatisfied with the fact that Fei-Long had only gotten rid of his shoes and socks - and he aimed to change that as he pulled the blue cardigan off the lovely man and discarded it on the floor before also removing Fei-Long's shirt.

Now that he had more skin to work with he began to kiss and nip a line down from the chinese man's neck to his hips, where he stopped to bite and suck marks into the delicate skin - the sensation leaving Fei-Long a moaning, writhing mess beneath the larger man. 

When the older man was satisfied with his work he pulled away from the Chinese beauty - looking at the marks he had covered that slender body in.

"You're beautiful Fei-Long," he murmured as he unbuckled the baishe leader's belt, pulling the smaller man's pants and boxers off in one strong tug - discarding them around the same area he had discarded the rest of the clothing.

The Chinese man reached towards Asami and pulled his shirt open, ripping a few of the buttons off in the process - not that either of them really had it in them to care.

After what Asami acknowledged as very rushed and half hearted preparation he undid his black dress pants, pulling his briefs down to release his erection from it's confines.

Soft moans and pants escaped Fei-Long's mouth, a drop of saliva rolling down to pool against his collarbone as the slender Chinese man watched Asami through thick lashes.

Those eyes were enough to destroy the last shred of patience that the older man held and he sank into the man beneath him, slow and calculated, making sure the lovely man felt every inch - eyes locked on Fei-Long's as he dug his nails into Asami's chest.

"Ryuuichi......" he whined breathlessly as the man finally came to a halt - buried as deep as he could get into the man beneath him.

"You are enjoying yourself so much already, and I haven't even begun to move," Asami teased as he pulled out to the tip - earning a loud cry from Fei-Long when he snapped his hips forward.

As the larger man set a brutal pace he was pulled down by Fei-Long, the younger man locking their lips together and clinging to the man above him.

When their lips finally parted Asami wrapped an arm under the smaller man's hips, angling them upward so that with every thrust he was hitting that perfect spot that made the Chinese man squirm - one of Fei-Long's hands knotted into the bed's duvet, the other holding Asami's arm in a bruising grip.

"Ahhhhhh......~ C-Cant~" the younger whimpered softly - biting his lip to suppress the moans that attempted to escape with every insanely deep thrust.

The shit eating grin on Asami's face only widened at the baishe leader's delicate cries, the yakuza slowing his pace - much to Fei-Long's dismay.

"Tell me how much you need it Fei-Long," he breathed into Fei-Long's ear.

"A-As if I could you pervert!" he snapped before biting his lip and covering his eyes with a thin forearm.

A soft chuckle left the older man's lips as he kissed at the Chinese man's neck, giving one specific spot attention for a few minutes before sinking his teeth into the skin - Asami being rewarded with a delicate whimper.

"How cute Fei," the yakuza teased, "you still get this bashful even though I've already seen you like this numerous times before."

"Of course I do, it's embarrassing!" the smaller man objected, his face covered with a bright red blush as he pushed Asami back a little by the shoulders.

The only reaction from Asami -other than another deep chuckle that sent waves of arousal through the smaller man- was a particularly deep thrust, which earned another loud cry from Fei-Long's chapped lips.

Fei-Long's hands fell to the sides as the larger man finally resumed his brutal pace, holding both of the smaller man's hands down against the bed as he slammed deep into that lovely man beneath him.

It didn't take long after that for them to both cum, both gasping for air as they locked their lips together in a sloppy kiss.

Asami's disheveled hair was falling in his eyes as he released the younger man's hands, Fei-Long bringing them up to cup the larger man's face.

The larger man sat up, pulling Fei-Long with him so that the Chinese beauty was over top of his hips.

Small hands instantly found their way to muscle bound shoulders, Asami holding Fei-Long close as he laid another fragile kiss to pink lips.

"Asami..." the older man frowned a little "Ryuuichi..."

"What is it Fei-Long?" he asked softly as he rubbed at his lover's hips.

"What are we? I need to know. I'm sick to death of not knowing," he stated, not breaking their eye contact.

"What do you want us to be Fei-Long?"

"That's not fair. I want you to answer the question properly, no more avoiding the subject."

The larger man laughed.

"You don't get it," Fei-Long looked confused, scowling a little, "what we are is up to you. If you say nothing then we leave here as if none of it ever happened. If you say you still want me then I will give everything to you."

The baishe leader swallowed hard, licking his lips to wet the dry skin.

"It's a means to an end. It's something to put an end to all of the betrayal, and the drama, and the misunderstandings. I will survive either way - whether you say you want to end it, or say that you want to begin something new. You are the one who needs to say what you want."

Fei-Long’s voice dropped to a delicate whisper.

"And if I were to say that I want you to love me, as I have loved you for the past 12 years?"

Asami gently kissed at Fei-Long's ear, hand resting against the scar on his lover's chest as his voice dropped to a whisper to be held between only them.

"Then I would tell you that despite everything I have never stopped loving you for the past 12 years. Despite what you may think, despite the conflict - I never stopped loving my precious little dragon. I never stopped regretting what I did to my precious dragon."

Tears rolled down bright red cheeks as Fei-Long let his head drop, covering his mouth and nose with slender hands as the tears continued to fall.

The yakuza pressed a kiss to Fei-Long's temple, pulling the man forward into a tender embrace - the baishe leader's head falling against the larger man's shoulder.

The older rested his head gently against Fei-Long's, pulling the duvet up and wrapping it around the Chinese man before beginning to gently rub the lovely man's back.

It wasn't long until Fei-Long fell asleep, curled up against the larger man's chest, clinging onto Asami as if he would disappear the moment Fei-Long dared to let go of the Japanese man.

Once the Yakuza was sure the younger wasn't waking up he gently laid Fei-Long down, wrapping the duvet back around him.

After a quick smoke, or three, he returned to the bedroom - picking up and folding the many articles of discarded clothing that were laying strewn about on the floor - removing his dress pants and adding them to the neat pile before wrapping himself in a bathrobe.

Once the man was content with the state of his possessions he returned to the bed, sitting down beside Fei-Long's sleeping form.

Even now the yakuza found himself conflicted.

He wasn't sure how this would work, him and Fei-Long, or if they could even make it happen considering their past and their conflicting views on - well, most things.

They both had egos the size of the Titanic and personal agendas twice the size of their egos.

Yet they also had a past together, they had memories that bound them together no matter how many times they failed.

Just looking at Fei-Long the older knew that, unless they somehow managed to sort things out, they would be bound together forever by those ties of love that they had allowed to become tangled in the complicated bundle of their emotions towards one another.

They seemed to be unable to move on, yet at the same time they were also both incapable of living in the moment. They were incapable of just living for then and there between them, rather than living in the past - rather than living in the constant circle of remembering the mistakes made towards one another in the past.

The Japanese man shook his head slightly, and there he was, doing it again. Over analyzing it wouldn't help at all. Fei-Long over analyzed things ten times more than him, so regardless of how much he analyzed everything he would only know what was going to happen after him and Fei-Long talked.

Finally the man climbed under the bed's comforter as well, pulling Fei-Long's smaller body to him and tucking that slender frame close against his well built body before dozing off to the sound of their intertwined breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so before people start roasting me in the comments, I know that this chapter is very mushy. There isn't any of that nice Asami and Fei head butting going on here, but don't worry that is on it's way in the next chapter. 
> 
> I wanted this chapter to mainly focus on Asami and his regrets regarding his relationship with Fei-Long - which instantly made it mushy. On top of that it is always shown that Fei-Fei gets a little mushy and emotional when he is drinking so I carried that through. 
> 
> Also, YES, I cut Fei-Long's hair. Live with it. I am using it for part of the conflict between them. Don't worry, it might grow long again later on. MAYBE.


End file.
